Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My recraft

Today we practised recrafting a piece of writing. The first paragraph belongs to Aldora and the second is mine

Aldora’s Cross Country Recount

“yeah” I said happily to myself. I was nearly there. I sprinted to the finish line and  made myself happy. I had a drink and then I had a rest. Looking down at my pretty purple and black shoes, it was all muddy and yucky.

Finishing the race I felt terrible because I hadn’t caught up with my friends. Finally I looked down at my purple and black shoes, they were like dark chocolate. So I had a drink and watched the year 7 and 8 race. I wondered who would come first.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Sebash,

    I really like the sentence beginnings because you don't always use verbs. The reason why I like it is that because the verbs is the easiest words to use. The others like nouns, adverbs, adjectives, are so hard to use. The first two sentence has F. That is really funny. You are also right on who do you think is going to come first. Really existed. I think that the shoes was expensive, than it was recked by the muds and the patches. Keep up your good work!!!!!


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